Last weekend my cat died. Out of the blue (a car ran her over) - she was only six years old. You can imagine how much pain that caused in our family; especially my teenage daughter was suffering badly from this sudden loss.
It was also very painful for me, to come home from work and she would come not up to me and rub against my leg to welcome me ... she would not come join me anymore chilling on the balcony and getting her daily dose of love ... she would not cuddle up next to me in bed every morning. She has left a huge hole in our lives.
However, after a few hard days it started to dawn on me that this was meant to be. It was meant to teach me something very important - about life and death. And love.
Her whole life she has been an important teacher to me. She was a very friendly, open cat, greeting everyone, even strangers. My cat was the typical girl: she talked a lot (she really did), she was a huge cuddler and she loved everyone unconditionally, even other cats. All in all, she was the perfect embodiment of feminine energy. And that was something I have been struggling with for a while - living my femininity and expressing my nurturing side. So while she lived with us my cat taught me to be more open towards people, to express love more often in a physical way, to soothe the ones I love when they feel low just by being present and giving them my undivided attention. You can say that my cat has had a huge impact on me in opening myself up and bringing out my feminine side a bit more.
So when she died a few days ago and I felt so heartbroken she was also teaching me an important lesson: about grieving and unconditional love. She made me question the process of grieving altogether. Coming home and feeling her absence was so painful that I didn't want to go on missing her anymore. I was asking myself what the point was in feeling bad about a situation that you cannot change. Was it serving her? Surely not. Was it serving me or my family in any way? Hell no! So why are we grieving?
I have dealt with a few deaths in my life already, losing my dad at the age of 25 and my mom 7 years later, so I am pretty accustomed to the feeling of intense grief. My cat's recent death was just the catalyst for this insight that I got about grieving ... and healing.
To me, grieving is the inability to adapt to change and the pain that goes with it is a blockage of the heart chakra - caused by the way our society deals with death and loss and by our numerous past hurtful experiences around this topic. It's basically a conditioning, like so many other reactions we have acquired throughout our lifespan.
So how can we best deal with grief?
First of all, we NEED to deal with it. If we push it away and try to go on with our life as if nothing has happened it will pop up again. Over and over. The thing we usually do is just let time take care of it. Yeah, you will slowly adapt to the new situation at hand and it does get a bit better with time. But does it heal your heart chakra? No, it doesn't. The next little thing will throw you out of balance and make you feel miserable all over again.
What worked for me in dealing with grief was a combination of two main approaches:
1. Totally accept the new situation you're in! That means letting go of what you can't control and letting go of someone you love.
Try to not cling on to past situations or the person you lost.
Be present in the current moment. Let go!
Sit back and take a few deep breaths, being totally present in the moment. Observe your body and breath, and don't let your thoughts drive you back into your pain. Emotional pain is just a matter of perspective and what you focus on!
Whenever a "painful" memory of the past comes up (it is usually a good memory, the fact that makes it so painful is the absence of the situation you're used to) try to come back to the present moment and appreciate it. Observe all the good you have in your life and be grateful! Otherwise you might get drawn into this feeling of despair and lack that brings your whole energy down and ruins your day. This does not serve anyone!
Please do not feel guilty for not being sad or depressed about your loss when trying to be present and enjoy the moment! Wish the person you lost well and be thankful for the good moments and lessons learned.
Losing something is the opportunity to appreciate it!
As already mentioned, this process of focussing on the now might work for the moment, but is not healing, so please do the following as well:
2. Healing your Heart Chakra
How can you best unblock your heart chakra?
By pure, unconditional love.
Not the love we apply in our everyday lives with our spouses where we love them as long as they make us feel happy and do what pleases us.
Just love. (The way you love your child maybe comes closest to this kind of love, the real one which is not bound to any conditions.)
Sit comfortably with a straight back, let your shoulders relax and close your eyes.
Imagine you're inhaling green or pink light (or both) into your heart space and let it grow wider with every inhale. Feel your heart chakra open to all sides and try to let pure love flow through it.
My spirit guide gave me a great mantra to practice with that combines both of the above:
Breathe in life - breathe out love!
I hope this will help you as well as it helped me!
Namaste!
In loving memory of Sina 🌺
I wish you a wonderful, magical journey! You'll always have a place in my heart!
Thank you! 🙏🏻
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